Side by Side
by skygirl55
Summary: Kate & Rick try to find their way after a life-changing event. Continuation of It's Only Just Begun. For #CastleFicathonWinter2017
1. Chapter 1

**Side by Side**  
Kate & Rick try to find their way after a life-changing event. Continuation of It's Only Just Begun. For #CastleFicathonWinter2017

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 **A/N:** This story is a direct continuation of my Christmas story, It's only Just Begun - i highly recommend reading that one first.

There are 4 chapters + an epilogue

 **Warning: Minor Character Death**

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 **Chapter 1**

As her slow trudge down the hallway reduced to a shuffle, Kate Beckett finally came to a full stop just a few feet from the door leading into her parent's apartment. She let her bag drop down off her shoulder and fall to the ground before bringing up both hands to cover her face. Nothing in the world could ease the throbbing ache in her chest at that moment or stop all of her insides from twisting round and round. She wanted the pain to stop, but nothing could stop it; worse yet, she knew the agony would only grow, but nothing could be done. In life, death was inevitable.

Standing alone in the hallway Kate thought back to the last time she arrived at that doorway with luggage when a familiar though not as imminent dread filled her belly.

On the plane ride back to San Francisco, Kate had ninety percent decided to move back to New York in the New Year, but her first meetup with her boyfriend at that time, Chris, solidified it. As he went on about all the fun he'd had with his family that holiday—a story she should have enjoyed—Kate merely felt her stomach clench with guilt. If she didn't leave then, odds were the last good memories she would have of her mother was when they ate breakfast together just before she left for the airport and she simply couldn't have that; no career was worth such a sacrifice. She'd ended things with Chris that night and he'd taken it well, all things considered, and the following day when she returned to work she gave her two weeks' notice.

As she'd wanted to return to New York as swiftly as possible, Kate needed to stay with her parents for a few weeks until she could find a more permanent living solution. Though they were surprised when she called and told them this, they of course didn't mind. While her mother seemed more hesitant, wanting to make sure she was making the best decision for herself and not for anyone else, Kate could tell her father was relieved, which simply reaffirmed her choice; she was doing what was best for her family.

Now, almost seven months later, she was reaching yet another crossroads. Very shortly after she moved back to the city, her mother came down with a cold that turned into pneumonia that she struggled to fight off with her body already weakened. She did ultimately recover after a brief hospital stay, but her body had been severely taxed by the illness and the doctors estimated she only had three or four more months without a transplant. No donor kidney could be found, but with good spirits and the dedication of family and friends, Johanna had made it two months past that projected date; however, her body simply was unable to fight any longer.

Sucking in a ragged breath, Kate bent down to pick up her bag again and felt the burning of tears behind her eyes. She knew crying was inevitable that day, but feared once she started she would never be able to stop, so she tried to hold it in as long as she could. Maybe that way she and her mother could say their goodbyes without her being a blubbering mess; maybe….

Using her key, Kate let herself into the apartment and felt instantly overwhelmed by the uncomfortable thick feeling in the air; it was as though death was already looming. She hadn't felt it when she was there earlier, before she'd gone home to shower and change, but she felt it then and shivered involuntarily. After walking her bag back to her former room, she continued down the hall to her parent's bedroom where her mother had been set up with hospice care. Kate shivered again as she reached out for the door, not sure she was ready to face what lay behind it.

Nearly forty-eight hours had passed since her mother's doctor had declared that without dialysis or any other medications she had, "a day, maybe two," before her system was too overwhelmed to continue on. Though part of Kate wanted to shout and cry out, telling her mother not to give up and to try one of the experimental options her friend Rick had been suggesting for weeks, she knew better than to do so. She didn't need her mother to tell her how much discomfort she was in; it was plain from how she moved and the expressions on her face. This was her mother's decision and she would respect it.

As horrible as the ticking clock was, reminding them with every second that they had one less moment with Johanna, Kate was glad for the timeline for it afforded them, and everyone she cared about, the opportunity to say a proper goodbye. There would be no mistakes with last words—no unintentional snips or reactions of anger—and no wishes for things that could never be said. Still, not knowing the exact moment weighed heavily on all of them.

Kate tapped her knuckles on the bedroom door before pushing it open. She found her parents in the exact position she'd left them three hours earlier: her mother lying on her side of the bed with her father sitting up on his side, her mother's right hand clamped tightly in his. The sweet image both warmed and broke he heart.

"Hey," she said softly to announce her presence. Her father's head turned quickly in her direction, he nodded, and then turned back to his wife. He kissed her hand softly, placed it back on her chest, and then slid gingerly off the bed. He then pulled her out into the hall to give her an update.

"Her breathing has become noticeably labored over the past half hour."

"O-okay," Kate said, her voice cracking slightly. "I'll sit with her now; you should take a break."

"'m fine," he grunted, though from the ever-darkening circles beneath his eyes Kate knew he was anything but. Though they'd all faced stress, she truly believed her father had aged nearly a decade over the prior year. Since moving back she'd tried to take on as many tasks as she could including meal prep, cleaning, and errand running, but he still took the brunt of it having to be on-call twenty-four hours a day.

"Dad," she continued, her tone still soft, but a little warning. "You need a break. Why don't you go for a little walk—it's very nice out."

He shook his head. "No, no—I need to be here."

She reached out and placed her hand on his arm. "Nothing's going to happen in the next fifteen minutes that you need to be here for. Go on—stretch your legs a bit."

Jim pressed his lips together and considered this for a moment before saying, "Maybe I'll go pick up some food now—so we don't have to leave later."

"Sounds good," Kate said although she had zero appetite and hadn't for over a day. She then gave her father a quick hug before taking his previous position on the bed beside her mother.

Gazing down she could tell her mother was asleep, or close to it. For a moment her heart seized in her chest at the thought that she had drifted away and would not awake for Kate to say goodbye, but she breathed in a deep breath and tried to push that thought from her mind. They weren't at that point—yet. Kate then sat back against the headboard and remained quiet for over five minutes before her mother began to stir.

"Can I get you something? Do you need water?" Kate asked instantly in response to her mother's grumblings. Johanna's eyes fluttered for a moment before she finally focused on her daughter's face and nodded. Kate grabbed for the cup on the nightstand and held the straw to her mother's lips so she could take a few sips. After putting the cup back, Kate stroked her fingers through her mother's hair and asked, "Are you comfortable? Should I help you move?"

"'m fine Katie; I'm fine."

"Okay." Kate then lay down beside her mother but popped up her head with her left fist as her elbow rested against the mattress.

Johanna stared at her for several moments before saying, "You look so sad, honey; don't be sad."

Kate let out a disbelieving noise. "How can I not be sad, Mom?"

"Because look at how much time we had together. We had eight years longer than we could have."

Kate knew this was a fair enough point, but it did nothing to comfort her in that moment. She moved her right hand so that it rested atop her mother's and said, "It's still not enough; you're going to miss so much!" Yes, because Johanna had survived her attack she had been able to witness her daughter graduate college and get her law degree, and that was wonderful, but Kate had so many more milestones left in her life that her mother wouldn't share. Her mother would never see her marry, or meet her grandchildren. They would never again share holidays or birthdays. There would be no more vacations or weekend shopping excursions; it would all just stop.

"But look at what I haven't missed—you graduating, passing the bar. I'm so proud of what you've accomplished, sweetheart. And I…" she paused, her voice growing a bit more sluggish. "I'm so glad I got to meet him."

"Who?"

"Rick."

"Oh." Kate said a bit dumbly, not sure how he played into the equation. Yes, Rick had become a very good friend to all of them since their unusual plane crash meeting, but she found it a bit odd for her to mention him along with her academic achievements.

A soft smile crossed Johanna's face and she patted her daughter's right hand. "I know you'll be okay with him."

Still confused, Kate blinked. "What are you talking about?"

Johanna smiled a bit wider. "You and Rick—you'll get together one of these days."

"O-Oh…." Kate stammered out, finally understanding what her mother had implied and why she had mentioned Rick in such a way. Evidently, her mother believed Rick to be the man she would spend her life with, but in that moment such a concept was too overwhelming for her to grasp, particularly along with all the other emotions swirling around inside her brain. "Mom, I really don't think-"

"Katie, please." Johanna's spry, knowing tone returned for the first time in a few days as she gazed at her daughter. "I've known you for twenty-eight years and I know how fiercely you guard your heart. You've had some bad luck, and that hasn't helped you any, but I also don't want you to miss out on a good thing that's right in front of you. Anyone can see how happy he makes you; how much you want him around."

"He's my friend," she defended weakly, her heart speeding a little faster at the knowledge that her feelings for Rick might have been noticeable to anyone but her.

"He loves you."

Kate blushed furiously. "Mom…"

She smiled a bit wider. "He does. He didn't come right out and say it but-"

"Oh my god," Kate gasped, pushing herself all the way up into a seated position as mortification overtook her. "You asked him about this?!"

"Not exactly. When he visited yesterday, we...we talked about you and...Well, I just know, okay? You're good for him too, you know."

"Wha…" Kate's breath came in a few quick spurts as she tried to process the topic Rick and her mother had chosen to discuss during what was their very last conversation. "Why would you say that?"

"He looks happier now, much more than when we first met."

"You first met him five days after his wife left him! Of course he's happier now!" Kate insisted.

"Well of course, but that's not why he's happier now—not entirely. You both care for each other and…I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want you to be happy, Katie. You shouldn't be afraid to follow your heart wherever it leads you. Just like your gut, its almost never wrong."

Tears flooding into her eyes, Kate sniffled at the sweet sentiment. "See—this is why I want you to stay." What would she do without her mother's always wise, never judging, grounding advice?

"I know, but I can't," Johanna sadly said.

"But I really, really wish you would." Kate sighed and lowered her body down beside her mother. She then shut her eyes, snuggled close, and hoped that moment would never end.

* * *

"You should go, Katie."

"Wha—no, no; I'm not going." Kate stood from where she'd been sitting on the couch trying to stay out of the way of the funeral home attendants who were removing her mother's body. When Johanna's breathing had finally given out both Kate and her father were at her side. That had been two hours earlier, and Kate felt as though she'd been in constant motion since then: making the appropriate notifications, calling the funeral home, helping her father clear a path so that a gurney would make it back through the tight apartment quarters. It wasn't until her father began leading the men back to his wife's body that Kate finally sat and felt the ginormous weight in her gut settle into her bones and everything began to ache, but she couldn't give in—not yet; there was still too much to be done.

"It's late. You…you don't have to be here anymore."

Her father's voice sounded as weak and strained as she'd ever heard it, which only reinforced the fact that she couldn't go anywhere. "I'm not going to leave you by yourself tonight. Besides we need to-"

"All of that can wait until tomorrow." He walked over, touched his fingers gently to her cheek, and managed a feeble smile. "Honestly, honey, I'm just going to go right to sleep—or try to, anyway."

"I'll change the sheets on the bed for you, then."

"No." He stopped her and his mouth crinkled into something that was not quite a grimace. "I…I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight."

"Oh." Kate flicked her eyes towards the hall leading to her parent's bedroom and then back to her father; she couldn't blame him for not wanting to sleep in the same spot where her mother had taken her last breath just hours earlier, but she still didn't think he should sleep on the couch. "You should just take my bed and I'll-"

"Go home." He finished for her. "Or, at least, go to the home of someone who cares for you."

Kate closed her eyes momentarily and thought of a pair of strong arms wrapping around her and holding her tight. Her want for that embrace was so strong it almost caused her physical agony, but that moment was not about her and what she needed. Forcing her eyelids open again she insisted, "No, Dad, really-"

"Katie, please. I don't want to argue about this. I appreciate that you want to stay here with me, but we both know that if you do, you'll hold it all in and that's not what you need right now. We both know where you really want to be."

A small squeak escaped Kate's lips, but she did not otherwise protest. _Damn_ she was obvious if both her mother and father had picked up on the feelings she'd attempted to hide. She stared at her father for another moment before dipping her chin in submission. "Just make sure you sleep in my bed and not the couch, okay?"

"Okay."

She gave her father an extra tight hug and promised tearfully, "I'll be back first thing tomorrow," before picking up her bag and heading out into the dark towards her destination: a fifth-floor loft on Broome Street.

* * *

Upon hearing the soft knock at his loft's front door, Richard Castle hurried out of his bedroom, his bare feet slapping against the hardwood floor as he made his way to the door. As it was after midnight, he was the only one left awake in the house, which was good, because he knew Kate would need her space to grieve—and he was glad to provide that for her. Though he was certainly glad that she hadn't been stubborn enough to stay away and suffer this burden all on her own.

Wasting no time, he pulled open the door to reveal his tearful friend, who looked as small and broken as he'd ever seen her. "Oh Kate." He sighed out, reaching out his arms and pulling her immediately into his chest. Her arms banded around his waist and he dropped his lips to the top of her head. "I'm so sorry, Kate; so sorry."

Though he'd known this moment was imminent for several weeks, it didn't make it any easier. His heart still broke for her and he could hardly imagine the pain she felt at that moment, but he also knew he'd be there for her, do whatever he could for her, and be whatever she needed him to be. Though they'd known each other for barely more than half a year, she had quickly become one of his truest friends and if she was in pain, he was too.

Though they could have, as Kate had once suggested, simply moved on and gone their separate ways after their plane crash adventures, the exact opposite had happened. From the day Kate returned to Manhattan, the two of them fell in step as though they'd been lifelong friends. She spent time with him and his daughter; he spent time with her parents, interviewing them about their positions in case he ever needed to use the details in a future novel. She was there for him when the stress of his divorce became too much and he wanted to talk it out with someone just as he was there for her every time she needed someone to hold her hand and tell her that despite everything going on with her mother, she would be all right.

A little over two weeks earlier Castle had faced his hardest moment as her loyal friend when she'd shown up at his door in a similarly tearful state. She'd just left her mother's latest doctor appointment where they'd been informed that the drugs and dialysis were no longer enough to keep her mother's body functioning sustainably and that the end of her life was drawing nearer. He'd held her close as she cried and assured her he'd work tirelessly to find a medical alternative or solution that would work for Johanna, but in the end she just hadn't been strong enough to keep fighting.

"I'm sorry it's late." Kate finally whispered out after two solid minutes of crying into his chest.

"Are you kidding? You know me—I never go to bed before the wee hours." He joked and trying his best to keep things light as that was a mostly true statement, but as he'd been expecting her text to inform him of her mother's passing, he never intended on sleeping that night—at least, not until he knew she was okay.

"Can I stay here with you?"

"Of course, of course. C'mon." He slid out of her embrace enough to drape his arm over her shoulders and walk side-by-side with her into the bedroom. It was only then he noticed a bag dangling from the crook of her left arm and realized she'd come prepared for the evening, but he still wanted to check. "Can I get you anything?"

"No I…I should have it all here except…" She paused and gazed at the nightstands on either side of his bed before looking back to him. "Maybe some tissues?"

He bobbed his head. "Tissues; you got it." He darted out of the bedroom to grab the box on the living room's coffee table. When he returned, she was in the bathroom with the door closed, so he put the box on the far side of the bed, assuming she would sleep there. Actually, he wasn't sure how their sleeping arrangements would work since they had yet to share a bed, but she could sleep on whatever side she wished; he only wanted her to feel comfortable.

Several minutes later Kate emerged from the bathroom wearing a tank top and calf-length yoga pants. She went directly to the tissue box, plucked one out, and mopped up her cheeks and beneath her nose before pulling back the sheet and climbing into bed. She reached behind her and fluffed her pillow before looking at him where he stood a bit awkwardly beside the bed. "This is okay, right?"

"Ye—yes! Yes of course," he promised, kneeling one knee down on the mattress and resting his palms on either side. "I just—I just wanted to make sure you didn't need anything before I turn out the lights."

"'m fine."

"Okay."

Castle turned off the lamp and then slid into the bed, taking a moment to arrange his pillows before lying down on his side facing his companion. Just as he was about to shut his eyes, he heard her say his name softly and he sat up instantly. "Yeah—do you need—can I get you something?"

"Will…will you hold me? Please?"

Her sad and innocent-sounding request made his heart clench in his chest. "Of course—absolutely." Carefully, he reached out in the dark until his fingers reached her body. He stroked tentatively until he realized she lay on her side facing away from him and his fingers rested by her shoulder, so he moved them to her waist and wound his arm around her body, spooning up behind her. He leaned in, pressed a kiss to the back of her head, and then asked, "Is this okay?"

"Yes," she croaked, her voice obviously thick with tears.

Shutting his eyes, Castle could feel the thickness of emotion in his throat. He hated that she was in so much pain and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. Giving her waist a tighter squeeze he said again, "I'm so sorry, Kate." Then, he settled back down on his pillow while still holding her tight even long after he'd drifted off to sleep.

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 **A/N:** Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Castle slowly drifted away from sleep quietly grumbling to himself as he usually did. Blinking his eyes open, he took note that the bedroom was dim, but growing progressively lighter, which given the time of year probably meant it was not yet six a.m. In other words: too early for a mystery writer to be awake. On that particular morning, however, he did manage to recall that he was not alone in bed, which made him hesitant to simply shut his eyes and attempt to fall back to sleep.

Rolling over onto his back, Castle turned his head towards the other side of the bed to check on his companion. He had hoped she was still asleep, but instead found her lying on her back with her hands folded across her stomach, her eyes clearly open. He yawned and scratched the fingers of one hand through his scalp before propping himself up on his elbow and asking, "You sleep at all?"

She turned her head towards him. "A bit, I think. I…I don't even know. I…I'm such a mess, Rick."

As she brought her hands up to rub over her face, he reached out and gave her bicep a gentle squeeze. "Not even close to a mess."

"No. I am, I am," she confessed, the sound of emotions heavy in her voice. "I woke up in the middle of the night and I thought I was back there—at my parents'…but then I realized I wasn't and that she was gone and it hit me all over again and I… I know we knew it was coming but I just can't believe she's not here anymore."

When she covered her face once more, he continued to caress her bicep and leaned over to press a kiss on the edge of her shoulder. "I know, I know."

She sniffled for a minute before pulling a few tissues out of the box on the nightstand and dabbing them over her cheeks and eyes. While she collected herself, Rick pushed himself upright so that he sat on his hip with his shoulder braced against the headboard. He waited patiently, not wanting to interrupt her, but waiting for his moment to assure her that once again he was there for her for whatever she needed.

Kate placed her used tissues on the nightstand pile with the others and then turned to him with the slightest of smiles. "Thanks for last night; I really appreciate it. I didn't want to be alone."

"Of course." He reached out with his left hand and brushed away a teardrop dangling from the edge of her jaw with his knuckles. "If there's anything else I can do to help with the funeral or-"

"No, no." She shook her head. "I think we actually have most of that figured out…we had time, you know?"

His heart broke at her sad little smile. Fighting the urge to gather her in his arms and hold her close for several more hours, he said, "Still, whatever you need—even if it's just a shoulder to lean on."

Her smile grew a bit wider as she mirrored his actions and reached out her right hand to touch his face only instead of brushing away tears, she merely painted her thumb across his jawline while the pads of her fingers landed on his neck, each one seeming to light a fire for she had never touched him with quite that level of tenderness before. Castle swallowed hard as their gazes met and despite the wateriness, he could see relief and adoration in her hazel eyes.

"You're such a good man, Rick; a good friend."

"I…" His thought was lost when her gaze flicked briefly down to his lips. His heart began to race and he began to wonder what moment they were about to embark on when she answered the question by leaning forward and pressing her lips against his. They had never kissed before, but he almost immediately realized that the feeling of her lips against his was completely natural—as though they'd been doing it for years.

"Mmm Kate…" He hummed out when their lips separated. Her fingers remained against his face and she stared at him for the briefest of moments before diving back towards him and kissing him hungrily.

Rick groaned when he felt her tongue glide over the seam of his lips and instinctively he parted them for her. He could hardly think as she pulled her body in closer to his and his hands splayed over her back. God, he wanted her—he had for so long. She felt so good beside him; they were right together—he knew it; he knew they were, but…not then—not in that moment.

"Kate, ah, Kate…" He tried to stop their kisses but she refused to let him and continued to hold his head steady with her right hand. It wasn't until her left delved beneath the bedcovers and landed on his crotch that he was able to jump back and pull her hand away. "Wait, wait, wait," he insisted. She appeared rather stunned and he attempted to think clearly while half of the blood in his brain was already on a one-way trip southward.

"Wait, please, wait," he continued after two heaving breaths. "I'm sorry, but we can't—not like this. I want you, but not…not out of grief; not our first time."

She recoiled back to her side of the bed appearing as though he'd slapped her across the face. "Okay."

"No please—please don't be upset." He reached out for her, but she tucked her body so close to the edge of the mattress he was almost shocked she didn't tumble off.

"I'm not."

Scooting towards her, he continued. "You are, but please don't see this as me rejecting you. I want us—I do. It's just not quite our time. I'll wait—I promise. I've...been waiting."

Kate blinked, then swallowed, and leaned the slightest bit closer to him. "You…have?"

He nodded then took in a deep breath, preparing to reveal the things he'd felt for so long but hadn't quite known how to express especially giving the complexities they'd each separately faced that spring. Timing, as it seemed, had never been on their side. At least, not to that point, but perhaps things were about to change.

"I haven't been with anyone since we met. For a while, I wasn't ready: my divorce, Alexis and I finding our footing again, the meltdown of mother's latest relationship and associated drama…But through all that I knew you were the one I wanted once all the dust settled." Reaching out, he grabbed ahold of one of her hands that rested limply in her lap. "I knew it was you that I wanted, but the timing just wasn't right. Once I was ready, you…well, what you needed most was a friend and so that's what I was—and I have no problem being that man for you, Kate; not in the least. It's not our time yet, but it will be."

He believed that with all of his heart. There was a reason they'd met on that fateful day in San Francisco. There was a reason their private plane had crashed forcing them to work together. There was a reason that all of that happened at the same time as his divorce and Kate's mother's illness; they were meant to find each other.

For over thirty seconds Kate stared at him, her jaw slightly agape. He was actually a bit fearful she wasn't breathing at all until she finally whispered out, "Okay."

"Okay." He echoed. He smiled at her, and scooted back towards his pillow so he could lie down once more. Using their linked hands, he gave her an encouraging tug and thankfully she followed his lead and curled up with her head on his chest and her hand across his belly while he lay on his back. Castle draped an arm over her shoulder and held her close while trying to drift back to sleep. Though he certainly would not have chosen that moment to have a conversation about "them" it had certainly worked out. The way he felt was out in the open now and given how she reacted he believed she felt similarly, which meant they were going to be okay.

Castle wasn't sure how long they dozed together, but it was certainly not long enough in his opinion, for when he felt Kate sliding away from him he remained quite drowsy. "Mm no," he grumbled. "Stay in bed."

"No, I have to go…my dad…"

"Okay." He sighed and reluctantly opened his eyes, watching her as she threw back the covers and moved towards the opposite edge of the bed. Before she could escape entirely he reached out, grabbed a hold of her hand and said, "Hey—call me if you need anything, even if it's just a hug."

She turned back, gave him a small smile, and said, "Okay. Thank you."

He drew his hand back and shut his eyes once more. "Always, Kate; always."

* * *

After dressing efficiently and brushing her teeth, Kate snuck out of Rick's bedroom as quietly as she could so as not to disturb his sleep. She rode the elevator down to the lobby, waved good morning to Eduardo the doorman, and then hurried through the still-cool morning air to the nearest subway stop. Only once she was seated in a car moving uptown did she stop to review the morning in her mind and, for the first time in days, thought of someone other than her mother: Rick.

Her first kiss with the man she gladly called a friend had been a life reaffirming moment. Though her heart was still heavy, the sparks she felt from their intertwined lips told her that there would be a future; moving on and finding happiness again would be possible. As the feeling had been so unexpected and relieving, she tried to cling onto it desperately by attempting to initiate more intimate activities, but she was glad he had the sense to stop them. He was entirely right; their first time could not be born out of grief.

 _First time._

The words danced in her head and tugged the corners of her lips upwards. First time implied there would be more than one—perhaps even a lifetime. The notion made her smile even wider—so much so that she almost felt guilty. Whether it was irrational or not, thinking of such happy things barely twelve hours after her mother passed felt wrong, but at the same time she didn't want to let go of a feeling that made her feel like she was flying when she knew she'd face many crushing realities in the coming days.

Thinking back on their time together over the prior half year, Kate realized that her feelings for Rick had brewed inside her heart for quite some time before finally breaking the surface. She had never thought of him as more than a good friend until she was staring at her mother's doctor as he said, "I don't know if there's anything more that can be done," and her first thought had been of Rick. He'll make it okay, he'll make it better; I just have to see Rick, she had thought as she pushed her way out of the office that afternoon. As he held her in his arms a few hours later she realized just how desperately she needed him, how much she cared for him. She couldn't explain those feelings, especially since they'd come on so strongly without them really having any romantic moments together, but it was perhaps as simple as her mother explained it: he made her happy.

When Kate finally arrived at her destination half an hour later she called out for her father upon entering the apartment. She didn't see him in either the living room or the kitchen, and thought perhaps maybe he was not yet up. Traditionally he was an early riser but she could understand why he might be still in bed if he hadn't slept well the night before; she certainly hadn't.

After dropping her bag on the coffee table she went directly to the kitchen with the mindset to start breakfast, but immediately stalled at the scene waiting for her. On the counter, one liquor bottle was laying on its side, the bottle neck dangling over the edge of the sink. A second bottle sat upright, though it was visibly empty. Beside both was a glass tumbler with a scant amount of amber liquid remaining in the bottom.

Trapping her bottom lip with her teeth, Kate considered these clues. Though she was not intimately familiar with her parent's liquor supply, it hadn't been terribly long since she'd opened the appropriate cabinet and she did not remember any bottles being nearly empty. Then again, she had taken note of her father's increased liquor consumption over the prior month so perhaps he'd merely had a drink or two before bed and finished the bottles without consuming to excess. Maybe.

As Kate gathered up the bottles with the intent to take them to the building's recycling area, she made a mental note to keep an eye on her father's drinking. If he needed to have an extra couple drinks to take the edge off the pain in his heart over the next few days that was one thing. Hell, she planned on doing the same. If, however, that pattern continued and degraded into him taking down a bottle or more in a week…well, she'd cross that bridge if she needed to.

"Oh, good, you're up," Kate said a few minutes later when she returned to find her father standing at the entrance of the kitchen. When he turned to face her she almost gasped, for her looked like he'd aged a full year overnight. She didn't even bother asking if he'd slept and instead just moved on to, "I was just about to make breakfast—you're hungry right?"

Jim merely grumbled in response and walked over to where the coffee maker sat on the counter.

Oh—coffee! Kate mentally cursed herself for not putting on a pot to brew the moment she walked through the door. Then again, beginning her day by kissing Rick had done a far better job of waking her up than caffeine ever could have—not that she didn't also want the coffee. She would never say no to coffee.

After her father took a seat at the table, Kate pulled open the refrigerator to see what could be used to make breakfast. Unfortunately, there wasn't much other than condiments, eggs and a little bit of cheese. As she intended to use the last two items for their meal, she knew grocery shopping would be imminent. Typically, shopping for food was one of her least favorite chores, which was why her diet consisted largely of takeout—unless she was dining with the Castles, which happened at least once a week—but she believed something as ordinary and monotonous as grocery shopping would be good for them; it would be a healthy way to take their mind off things even if just for an hour.

"I'm going to call the funeral home as soon as it opens," Kate informed her father as she cracked their six eggs into a skillet by the stove. "They'll probably be able to fit us in this afternoon to finalize everything. Then once we have the date and time for the funeral, we can start letting people know."

"Oh, I…I…"

Kate glanced over at her father as he stammered. He seemed to be coming out of his early morning trance, for he pushed himself out of his seat and moved towards her more swiftly than he had previously.

"No, Katie—I can do that. You…you don't have to do any of the notifications."

She gave a little shrug. "But I don't mind—I'm here to help." Helping was what she had always planned on doing—right from the beginning of the end.

When Kate began interviewing at law firms in New York she mentioned the need for a flexible work schedule due to an ill parent as one of her job requirements. Some firms were uninterested in providing this, but ultimately Kate took a job at a firm with a boss who seemed quite sympathetic to her situation. As her mother's health began to decline she did her best to maintain a consistent work schedule while also going to doctor appointments with her mother as needed. Finally, when they had reached the point where there was nothing more that could medically be done for her mother, she'd gone to her boss and informed him of this along with requesting time off to spend time with her mother on her final days. Normally, Kate would have never revealed something so tragic and personal to a near stranger, but given the circumstance it was virtually impossible not to. Much to her relief, her boss was completely sympathetic and told her to take as much time off as she needed and they would figure out how to handle her work make-up schedule after she returned.

As it was Wednesday, Kate hoped her mother's funeral would be over the weekend and she would be back at work by Monday or Tuesday of the following week, but she didn't want to rush herself. The most important thing for her right then was making sure her father would be all right. Work was definitely much further down on her list of concerns.

Once their eggs were cooked and topped with cheese, Kate plated each of their meals and joined her father at the table. They ate largely in silence as Kate mentally reviewed all the things they needed to get done in order to prepare for her mother's funeral. They were certainly well on their way to being organized, but a lot remained to be done.

Since Johanna had known her illness was terminal for several months, she had taken it upon herself to plan what she wanted for her funeral and memorial. Unbeknownst to her husband and daughter, she met with a funeral home and settled most of the arrangements, only telling her family after the fact. Naturally, Jim and Kate were slightly upset to hear this, but she pragmatically brushed off their concerns saying that now they didn't have to worry about what she wanted—or burden themselves with the task of conveying the information when the time came.

Though at the time she had been perturbed to be excluded from such conversations, Kate found herself very glad for her mother's actions the morning after her death. They didn't have to worry about what outfit Johanna wore during the viewing; that had already been chosen. They didn't have to agonize over burial or cremation, for Johanna had already chosen the latter along with the urn her ashes would be stored in. They didn't even have to choose the flowers, though they did need ordered from the list Johanna provided. Kate was sure some decisions still needed made, but it was a relief to know that list would be short and hopefully be decided upon easily.

"Okay, well they can't see us until two," Kate said to her father after ending her call with the funeral home director, "but that's okay. Do you want to go grocery shopping now, or do you want me to help you clean up the bedroom first?"

"No." He responded almost instantly to the last point. "No—I don't want to clean up yet."

Kate nodded in understanding, but also hoped he wouldn't fight her too hard on clean up when it came down to it. Yes, the room would feel unimaginably hollow without Johanna's belongings in it, but she wasn't suggesting they empty out the closet then and there; that was unnecessary. However, there was also no reason for the lot of medical supplies to remain strewed around the room. Clearing those out would help them forget how much Johanna struggled in her last days and help them to remember her by the good times they shared.

"Grocery shopping it is then. Want to jot down a list first or just see what hits us?"

Jim gave a rather tragic shrug. "I don't…I don't feel like cooking much."

"But I can help you," she insisted. "Besides, we need some snacks, some fruit. It's pretty bare in here, Dad."

He gave her a side eye. "Because your refrigerator is always stuffed with fruits and vegetables."

Kate opened her mouth to protest, but she could not as his critique was one hundred perfect on point. Instead, she gave a small smile and said, "I do usually have some apples…or bananas…"

Jim hummed disbelievingly and offered the barest hint of a smile. Though it wasn't much, Kate would take it as a win, and merely waved him along to follow behind her. "C'mon; let's go."

* * *

Castle stood in his kitchen that evening gazing intently into the oven to see if his casserole was ready to come out yet. He could see bubbles at the very edges just beginning to percolate, but decided to give it two extra minutes just in case. Despite the fact that he often fought the urge to order take-out or hire an in-home chef to make his life easier, he actually enjoyed cooking for the most part, a trait that often surprised people as they got to know him, Kate included. His desire to cook delicious (and most importantly: nonpoisonous) meals stemmed from the early days of his youth as his mother was decidedly not the best in the kitchen. Once he had Alexis, his devotion to home cooked meals only grew. He actually found the task both relaxing and purposeful as he often had some great ideas for his novels while his mind was blank but for the focus of a knife as he sliced vegetables.

Just as he grabbed his insulated mittens to pull the dish out from the oven he heard a knock at the door and called out, "Mother? Would you mind?"

"Not at all dear!" she responded, affording him the opportunity to make sure dinner made it safely to the counter. Though he was not a huge fan of the fact that his mother was temporarily living with him after the boyfriend she was living with threw her out, he was glad for the extra set of hands—most days.

"Oh, Kate, my darling girl, come here! I am so, so, so terribly sorry about your mother."

"Thank you, Martha."

Castle craned his neck to look at the entryway from where he stood in the kitchen. He smiled softly at the sight of Kate and his mother embracing; he was glad she had decided to join them that evening. When he texted her around lunch to check in, she simply replied that they were meeting with the funeral home at two and she'd talk to him later. He'd replied and invited both she and her father to dinner so they didn't have to worry about that along with everything else, but she hadn't responded for over an hour and even then she only said, "Okay, thanks."

He was anxious to speak with her, particularly with how they left things between them earlier that morning. Even if they hadn't kissed, he would still want to check in with her, as she was one of his best friends and that day surely had to be one of the worst of her entire life.

With the casserole resting, he shed his oven mitts and walked through the kitchen towards the front of the apartment, but quickly came to a halt when he saw that only Kate stood beside his mother, not Kate and her father. His brow wrinkled. "Your dad didn't come?"

She shook her head. "No, he said he would be terrible company tonight."

"We don't care about that!"

"I know, and I told him that, but he still insisted he wanted to stay home. I was going to stay with him, but he told me to come here, so I made him some rice and veggie stir fry….hopefully he eats it," she finished with a rather weak smile.

Without second thought, Castle walked over to her, opened his arms and welcomed her into a soothing hug. He rocked her body back and forth gently for several moments and then placed two kisses atop her head. "Well I'm really glad you're here."

"Me too," she said softly as they broke apart.

When he called out for her, Castle's daughter came hurrying down the stairs and greeted Kate with a hug. The four of them then took seats around the table and began passing around rolls, salad, and the casserole. Castle had intended to keep their conversation light, but of course his mother dove right in almost immediately with, "Do you know when the funeral is yet, dear? Is there anything we can do to help you?"

"Mother," he warned with a glare. "Let her eat first…"

While his mother feigned innocent, Kate brushed off his concern. "No, it's fine; I appreciate the offer, but I really think we're okay. The funeral service will be Friday afternoon with a wake to follow—I'm going to send out all the details tonight to everyone I have contacts for, but…anyway—I don't think we need anything. Mom actually had most of it figured out, already; the funeral home is doing the rest."

"Well you be sure to let us know if there's anything," Martha said.

"We'd be happy to help," Alexis added.

Castle gazed over to see his almost-girlfriend looking at little glassy eyed so he reached out his hand and brushed his fingers over her forearm. "We're here for whatever you need."

Kate looked at each of them in turn and said, "Thank you—you have no idea how much that means. I will definitely let you know if anything comes up."

For the rest of the meal Castle's mother and daughter mostly carried the conversation with Kate remaining largely silent. He couldn't blame her, of course; he was just glad she wasn't alone. She insisted on helping him clear the table after everyone was finished and though he promised she didn't need to help, it did afford them the opportunity to have a moment to themselves in the seclusion of the kitchen. He once again pulled her into a hug, that time kissing her cheek, before asking how she was really doing.

"Surviving," she said honestly. Then she gave a little shrug. "No, I'm doing as good as can be expected. So is Dad…I don't want to leave him alone—I really don't think he should be—but he insists that I go. I'm torn because I don't know if I should just insist upon staying so he's not by himself or leave because I…"

"Can't resist my awesomeness; I understand," he nodded as though what he'd said had been the most serious thing in the world. Fortunately, he succeeded in getting a small smile from her.

"Something like that…"

He smiled, cupped her cheeks with his hands, and pressed a chase kiss on her lips. Though the tingles swirling in his belly urged him to do more, he kept himself in check, knowing it was for the best. He brushed his thumbs lightly against her cheek and asked, "You staying here again tonight?"

She shook her head. "No, no I have to go home and work on some things: send out the notification emails, and such."

"Are you sure? My bed is always available."

A small smile cross her lips when her hands landed at his waist and she gave him a squeeze. "I'll keep that in mind, but I really have a lot I need to get done."

He nodded, though reluctantly. "Well, let me know if I can help you with anything."

She nodded, rose up on her toes, and pressed her lips to his cheek. "Thanks, Rick; I will."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Sitting on the loveseat in his office, Castle tried his best to fight the tears burning behind his eyes, but it was no use; they were going to fall no matter what. As a man quite comfortable with his masculinity, he had no issue with crying; emotions were beautiful and natural. In that moment, however, he did want to finish reading Kate's eulogy speech before breaking down entirely. She had, after all, requested that he read it and offer any criticism he felt necessary since he was, as she put it, "the most talented writer she knew." He would have been happy to help even without her flattery, but he actually wanted to help! Now, tears were blurring his vision.

Castle tried his best to subtly brush some droplets from his left eye, but his accompanying sniff evidently drew the attention of his companion, who scooted closer to him immediately. He felt the pads of her fingers against his right cheek and she said softly, "I'm sorry Rick; I didn't mean to make you cry."

"No, no it's good." He promised her before clearing his throat and turning back to the written speech. He read the final two paragraphs then turned to face her with the pages sitting on his thigh. "This is a fantastic speech, Kate; your mom would be so proud of you."

She nodded and took in a noticeable breath, clearly struggling with her emotions as well. "I hope so."

"I know so," he returned. It was truly a shame that he'd only been able to know Johanna at the end of her life, but he was still glad to have time with her—to have known her at all. Though he'd originally requested to do three hour-long sessions with her as part of his research, they'd ended up spending far more time together than that, particularly after Kate returned to the city. They shared meals and had interesting discussions on a variety of topics. He'd even let Kate's parents use his Hamptons home in May so they could spend one last weekend together as a couple.

Though he'd only known her for a few months, Castle did feel he'd grown to know Johanna reasonably well in that time. In particular, he'd seen her dynamic with her family. Johanna took great pride in her daughter and he knew she would have appreciated any speech that Kate wrote, but as this was a particularly moving one, he knew Johanna would have been more than pleased.

Taking the written pages from his lap, Kate gazed down at them for several moments and then back up to him. "Do you have any suggestions?"

He gave a little shrug. If it was a novel chapter being submitted, he surely would, but critiquing a eulogy speech that wasn't outright offensive or inappropriate didn't seem right. "I think it's good as it is. If I had to think of one thing…perhaps tell one less story about her work and instead put in a story about something more personal. I know you like to keep those things to yourself, but…I don't know—I think a personal story, maybe something about when you did something with your parents—would be a nice touch. But, really, you could leave it like this."

She nodded. "I'll see if I can think something up. Thanks."

"Of course."

"No, seriously—thank you." She placed the eulogy speech papers on the table beside the sofa and scooted close enough to him so that their knees were bumping. She picked up his hand, and held it against her knee with both of hers covering his. Then, she gazed adoringly into his eyes. "I need to thank you for so much Rick—for everything you've done over the prior few months. Being there for me the way you were… I really can't describe how much I appreciate it."

Castle watched intently as she lifted one of her hands to brush a stray tear from her cheek. He squeezed her knee lovingly before she continued her lovely speech.

"You always seemed to know what I needed whether that was an afternoon movie or a home cooked meal. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. I wouldn't have made it through without you," she admitted with the shake of her head.

Unable to help himself, Castle leaned in and pressed a long kiss against her forehead. He had done all she described without any second thought, for he cared for her as a friend—and more, even though their behavior had been strictly platonic until the day before. The simple fact was: he loved to see her happy.

During their initial meeting, Kate hadn't had many opportunities to smile, which he couldn't fault her for; neither had he. When they met again after the holidays, she was weighted down with the continued anxiety of her mother's illness and the stress of her new job, but as they moved into spring and things began to settle down at her job, he finally had the opportunity to see the real Kate blossoming before him and he loved every part of what he saw. He fell for her with very little effort and thus thought nothing of doing anything he could for her to make her a little happier.

"Of course Kate—I'd do anything for you because I care for you; I have from the start."

She gave him a rather wry look before brushing some hair off her forehead. "Plane crashes do that, right?"

He wobbled his head left and right as she made a valid point, but that was not the "start" he thought of. "No, no not that start—I mean when you moved back here. Remember that day we met for coffee?"

Surprisingly, a bark of laughter escaped her lips. Then, her cheeks grew a pinkish hue and she said, "I do…but I don't think I was very nice that day. Apparently I was destined to always make a bad first impression with you."

He hummed and stroked her upper back with his hand. "I don't think I'd call that a first impression considering how much time we'd spent together previously. Besides, your slightly salty attitude was justified that day."

They had agreed to meet for coffee on the first Saturday in February. Kate had been back in the city for not quite two weeks at that time and he wanted to make sure she was settling in without him bothering her, but he also wanted to catch up, so he'd been delightfully persistent (or so he liked to think) about scheduling a meet-up and she'd finally agreed. It had rained overnight and into the morning, but thankfully by their eleven a.m. meet up the precipitation had been pushed away by fluffier clouds and a light wind. On her way to the coffee shop that morning, Kate had the misfortunate of being splashed by not one but two cabs driving recklessly fast through puddles at crosswalks. On top of that, just as she was about to enter the coffee shop, a woman exiting lost control of her packages and cup, which resulted in Kate's entire left side being doused with hot brown liquid. Needless to say, when she'd finally arrived at his table looking more than a little disheveled, she had not been excessively chipper.

"I suppose," she sighed.

"Honestly, Kate; I really didn't even think twice about it. I was just glad to see you and…I don't know." Castle paused to rub his fingers over his chin. "When we parted after Christmas I just couldn't get you out of my head. I would think about you a lot, wonder if it was okay to call you or message you or if that would be too weird. I tried to convince myself that what I was feeling wasn't exactly real but just a result of the emotional upheaval of our trip combined with the implosion of my marriage. When you told me you were moving back I was glad for you, but also glad to have another chance to see what being around you while not actively trying to survive would be like."

She arched an eyebrow in his direction. "You make it sound like we were literally dangling off a cliff—for days."

He gave her a look. "I'm a writer, Kate—you know I need to dramatize everything!"

"Mmmhmm…"

" _Anyway_ ," he continued pointedly, "I wasn't sure what it would be like when we met up again, if we'd still have a connection, but then as we were leaving, I made a joke, you smiled at me and…I knew." Castle's heart swelled again as he recalled the moment where she brushed some hair back from her face, smiled a slightly shy smile at him, and then wished him a good weekend. As simple as it had been, the moment had still been one of the most significant of his life.

Kate shook her head, looking a bit in shock. "That was five months ago."

"I know, and I tried hard to think of you only as a friend knowing that's what I needed to get through all the BS with Gina, but I was very glad to have you as that friend."

She smiled, leaned in, and bumped her shoulder against his. "You're so sweet, Rick."

"Just being honest," he said with a shrug.

She picked up his hand, pulled it into her lap, and traced her index finger up and down each of his fingers for a minute while an expression of deep concentration crossed her face. Finally, she held his hand tighter and turned her gaze towards him again. "I think…no, I know—I was in denial about how close we were getting. We'd have moments…like when you would grab my hand as we were crossing a street or even sometimes when I caught you looking at me. I tried to convince myself that you only wanted to be my friend—and that I only wanted to be your friend. But then…as everything fell apart with my mom I couldn't deny it anymore. I needed to be beside you in order for things to feel like they were going to be okay and that's how I realized I wanted you for…more."

Castle draped his arm across her shoulders, pulling her in closer. He brushed his lips over the top of her head and then rested his cheek on the same spot. He remained sad that her mother had to die in the wake of such a terrible illness, but as with all things he saw the bright hope of happiness despite the tragedy. What they had been through together—both their plane crash and Kate's mother's illness—had allowed them to form a stronger bond, which would undoubtedly form a strong relationship when the time was finally right.

He held Kate close for several moments before he felt her shoulders tremble and heard her take in a shuddered breath. Then, she squeaked out, "I'm really, really going to need you tomorrow, Rick."

His throat felt thick with emotions at the sound of her tears, but he merely took in a slow breath to hold back the tears, and held her a bit tighter. "You'll have me for every moment. I won't leave your side…unless you need to use the bathroom and then I'll hover creepily outside the door," he finished, unable to help himself from lightening the moment with a joke.

She didn't laugh or smile, but instead simply turned her face to bury into his neck, wound her arm around his waist, and clung tightly to him as he rocked her gently back and forth.

* * *

Kate easily categorized the day of her mother's funeral as the worst day of her life. The final day of her mother's life came in a very close second, but the funeral still surpassed it from a gut-wrenching standpoint. The funeral made everything real; final. The prior three days she still felt as though she was existing in a haze, but standing up in front of her friends and family and giving a speech about her mother's life made it hit her all over again; her mother was gone and never coming back.

Despite the fact that she barely made it through her speech without great heaving sobs overtaking her, Kate did feel that it had gone well, and that her mother would have been proud of her. Making her mother proud had been her number one concern, far above public speaking or, worse, public speaking when being emotional was more or less a given. Thankfully, she had been successful and virtually everyone in attendance had congratulated her on a heartbreaking, but wonderful speech.

Even with the success of her eulogy the service itself was near unbearable because of a crushing amount of sadness that came along with it. She was certain the weight of it all would have obliterated her entirely if it wasn't for Rick; he was, without question, her anchor that day. He had showed up early, promising her that whatever she needed, he would provide for her whether it was a drink, a hug, or simply someone to stand quietly beside her. Though she appreciated these sentiments, she never intended to lean on him excessively until she concluded her speech and her eyes fell on him in the audience and she knew she needed him to pull her in close and tell her everything was okay. Unfortunately, due to their seating arrangements, that wasn't possible until after the service had concluded, but the moment it had he was at her side, pulling her into his chest. She could have stayed in that position for hours, but forced herself away knowing she had mourners to greet.

At the end of the reception line, Kate felt as though she couldn't smile graciously a moment longer without her face breaking apart. Almost as though he'd read her thoughts, Rick swooped in and cupped his hand gently around her elbow to lead her to the table at which his mother and Alexis sat. She began to protest, knowing she should continue to make the rounds, but he insisted that she sit for no less than five minutes and eat something. Though her appetite was limited, she did feel slightly better after some cheese and crackers. (Rick stroking his hand across her low back hadn't hurt, either.)

Twenty minutes later, after she didn't think she could hear the phrase, "I'm so sorry for your loss," one more time without losing her mind, it was her father who approached her and said, "What do you say we get out of here, Katie?" She'd been a bit caught off guard by his request as the wake was scheduled to go on for nearly another hour, but he was insistent about sneaking out and she felt she had no choice but to agree, though she refused to leave without saying goodbye to the Castles—and telling them they were welcome to leave as well, since they didn't really know anyone else at the event.

Rick had pulled her into a hug before she could escape and whispered in her ear, "Call me later? Or just come over—whatever you need."

"Thanks," she'd whispered back. Then, they snuck out of the funeral home and several minutes later they were on a subway going south.

"You know," her father began as they stepped up onto the boardwalk at Coney Island, their final destination. "Your mother and I had our first date here—many, many years ago."

"I thought your first date was at that restaurant with the weird soup that made you both sick?" Kate asked, recalling the story she'd heard for many years.

"That was our first official date," he corrected. "We came here as friends before that—but I always thought of it as our first date."

Kate observed her father's expression, which was the brightest one he'd had in days—weeks, actually. She briefly wondered if it was a result of the alcohol she saw him drinking out of a flask just before the wake, but then immediately tried to push such thoughts from her mind; she didn't need to think about that—at least, not then.

"So did mom think it was a date? Did you ever ask her later, I mean."

"I did—she didn't think it was a date at all. In fact, she said she kind of wanted to leave, but I just kept insisting we do more and more things; I didn't want the evening to end," he confessed with a little shrug.

"That's sweet."

"Fortunately, she eventually thought so, too." He smiled, and then gestured towards a nearby set of stairs. "C'mon—let's go walk on the beach."

"B-beach!?" She stammered, a bit startled by his suggestion. The boardwalk was fine, but the sand? She didn't mind it when she was prepared, but her heart clenched a bit as she gazed down at her rather expensive black heels; she wasn't exactly dressed for sand.

"Yes, c'mon!"

Kate gazed up to see her father already hunched over, his left hand balanced on a railing for support while his right worked the knot on one of his shoes. Shrugging to herself Kate stood beside him and took off her heels, waited for him to remove his shoes and socks, and then they walked out onto the sand together. As it was a summer afternoon, they were far from alone, but within a few minutes they'd walked to less crowded portion of the beach where they could hear the waves louder than the hum of conversing beachgoers.

For nearly an hour Kate and her father walked up and down the coast, picking up spare twigs, bits of driftwood, and rocks worn smooth by the aggressive pounding of waves against them. At one point, her father collected what they had, sat down on a rock outcropping, and fashioned a tiny person-shaped object using an oval rock for its head and bits of wood for his torso, arms, and legs. He presented her with the stickman and she laughed, though she made sure to cradle it delicately in her hand so it didn't get damaged while they walked back to the subway line.

"I'm glad we did this," her father said while they sat side-by-side on a bench, brushing all the sand they could from their bare feet before putting their shoes on once more.

Kate smiled. "Me too."

The last thing she would have thought about doing that afternoon would have been walking along the beach near Coney Island. In fact, going to Coney Island would probably not have entered her top ten destination choices; however, she was very glad they came as it had been quite cathartic for them both. In the end, a day she could have easily classified as being the worst of her life, ended up being still terrible, but interlaced with moments of joy—and that was truly remarkable.

"It'll get easier…at least, that's what everyone keeps telling me," her father said wisely as he finished tying his left shoe. He then stood and began slowly meandering towards the street while Kate gently scooped up her stickman and trailed after him.

"They're right; it will get easier. It's still hard, but…I just keep thinking how Mom was right—we had so much extra time with her."

Jim hummed. "Months longer than the doctors thought."

"No," Kate corrected, "eight years longer than we could have." Though in the years since she hadn't thought very much about her mother's attack at all the event had been prominent in her mind in the three days since her mother passed. Every time she wanted to be angry for her mother's life being cut short, she reminded herself of all the things they'd shared, all the moments they'd had, that they never would have if Johanna hadn't survived being stabbed on that cold January night.

"Yes, I suppose that's true."

"I know it doesn't make it easier, but at least it's something." She would still have the memory of sharing with her mother the news that she'd been accepted to law school, and that of the crushingly-tight embrace her mother gave her when she was finally handed her degree. She could still play in her mind her mother saying she was proud of her again and again though she struggled her first year working as a lawyer. She would still have the joy she felt while watching her mother laugh so hard she nearly choked after one of Rick's elaborate tales. Though the thought of not making any new memories was crushing, she'd never lose the ones that she had.

They walked the rest of the way to the subway line in silence, but once they were on the platform waiting for the train, Jim gazed over at her and said, "She wouldn't want us to be sad, Katie. That was the last thing she told me—try to be happy. And I will try…maybe not tomorrow, or the next day, but I know I will very soon. And you will too, which is why you should go back to Rick."

Kate practically did a double take in her father's direction, stunned by the fact that he was mentioning the writer. "I…no. No I told you that tonight I would-"

"I know what you said," he interrupted her softly, "but I don't need you to stay with me."

"I don't mind," she assured him, but then he reached out and stroked her arm.

"I know you don't and believe me I appreciate everything you've done for me these past few days, but you can't stay with me forever. That is—I need to find a way to get along on my own, to heal. You need to as well and…and I think we both know who can help you with that."

Kate felt her cheeks begin to grow hot and she turned away from him, slightly embarrassed. Jeez—was she really that obvious?

"You two are together, right? You and Rick?"

Turning back, she shook her head briefly. "Not yet, not officially, I mean."

Her father's eyebrow quirked upwards. "But you will be?"

"Yeah," she confirmed while silently hoping their status was bumped to official sooner than later. She completely understood why he wanted to wait, and in time she knew she would need to thank him for it, but it was hard not to want to be close to him, particularly with all the other emotional stress she was facing.

"Well," Jim said, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his lips, "I couldn't ask for a better man for my only daughter."

"Oh gosh!" Kate half laughed-half groaned with embarrassment, not expecting such sentiments. "You make it sound like we're getting married."

He shrugged casually. "I know."

As Kate recalled her last conversation with her mother and how similar the topics had been, she bit down on her bottom lip. "You sound like Mom; did she put you up to this?"

"No, not exactly, but she did tell me that she wasn't worried about you because she knew you'd be okay—with Rick."

"Well, I…." Kate's gut reaction was to protest—to tell him that she and Rick had yet to embark on a real relationship, so there was no conceivable way to conclude that they would be together long-term—but she also knew that was the old part of her talking. That was the Kate who hadn't been through the most harrowing travel experience of her life or watched her mother fight a losing battle with kidney disease. The Kate who had experienced those things was determined not to let small fears and insecurities hold her back from what she believed to be a chance at life-long happiness, so instead, she said, "I hope that I will be." And then, they boarded the train back to Manhattan together.

* * *

 **A.N:** remember only 1 more chapter plus the epilogue remain

thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Standing on the hard-packed sand as lapping water nipped at the edges of his toes, Richard Castle let out a contented sigh. He stared out across the expanse of ocean before him as dusk settled on the horizon and thought about how idyllic that moment was. He was on the beach just a few hundred feet from his home, the beautiful woman he loved was by his side, and they'd just spent a perfect evening together; what could be better than that?

Earlier that day Castle and his companion escaped Manhattan as soon as she was able to leave her office and joined the throngs of people traveling to the outer edges of Long Island for the weekend. They made decent time, all things considered, and arrived at his favorite restaurant promptly for their seven-thirty reservation. They dined on fresh seafood and delicious wine, which was lovely, but Castle knew from that moment on their evening would only get better.

By the time they were on the road again, traffic was light and they arrived at his house within fifteen minutes. He carried their luggage upstairs while she made a quick call to check in with her father and then he'd suggested a walk on the beach. They'd strolled hand-in-hand towards the west for close to half a mile before turning around and walking back towards the house. About halfway back, Kate dropped his hand and drifted further towards the water. He wasn't concerned as she didn't look sad, merely pensive, and he knew she'd talk to him about whatever she was thinking when she was ready.

With the house in view Kate stopped, crossed her arms over her body, and cupped her opposite elbows as she stood facing the water. He stepped up beside her, patiently waiting for her to speak, not concerned at all for what she had to say, because nothing would ruin his mood that evening; it was all too perfect.

"Hey Rick?" she began finally after nearly five minutes of staring silently out at the waves casually rolling towards shore

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever think about what could have happened the night we met? If our plane hadn't had engine trouble…if we'd just flown from San Francisco to New York without anything out of the ordinary happening?"

"Ah…yeah," he said, "I do sometimes."

The most recent time had been almost exactly three weeks earlier on the morning after her mother's funeral. He'd woken up that Saturday and turned his head to see that she was still asleep beside him, curled up on her side with one hand tucked beneath her cheek as she faced the center of the bed. He smiled gently as he watched her, thinking he'd never seen anything more beautiful in his life. As he lay there watching her eyelids flutter, he had thought, "What would I do without this woman in my life?" At that point such a concept was nearly unfathomable. He'd thought of the night they met and once again thanked the universe for having it turn out the way it did.

"We wouldn't be here if that flight had gone as planned."

"No, we wouldn't," he agreed with her. "But that's why I don't like to think about it, because here we are." He paused to take a step forward and then turn his body so he could gaze at her more head-on. He lifted his arm and placed his right hand gently on her shoulder, giving it a little stroke before continuing. "Everything happens for a reason, Kate. Of course I wish our charter plane hadn't crashed and the pilot hadn't died, but I think that crash happened at the exact right time for both of us. We were at a crossroads and something as life changing as that nudges you towards the next part of your journey; the path you're meant to walk on."

She stared at him for several seconds before a peculiar smile crossed her face. She shook her head and dusted her fingertips across her face while staring back out across the water.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing you just…" She sighed heavily and turned back to face him. "You're so different than anyone I've ever met before. Not in a bad way it's just…unexpected."

As he felt similarly about her, he said, "Maybe that was the whole point of all this." Thanks to his career he'd had the opportunity to meet many different people, though he'd never met anyone that made him feel quite the way Kate did every time she smiled at him, which was one of the reasons he was so confident about embarking on a serious relationship again just two months after his divorce was finalized. They met for a reason; there was absolutely no question in his mind about that.

"Besides, you're kind of wrong about something, you know?"

She arched her eyebrow at him. "Yeah? About what?"

"The day we met." He took a step closer to her and lifted his hand from her shoulder so that he could cup the underside of her jaw. "Even if that plane had taken off in San Francisco and flown to New York without incident, something extraordinary had already happened: I was seated beside you."

A smile quickly spread across her face and she lifted her left hand, closing it around his wrist so she could hold his hand tight to her face. After a moment she turned her head, kissed his inner wrist, and then linked their fingers together as they continued to walk back towards the house.

They were silent until they reached the back porch and she dropped his hand again to lean against the railing while watching the last rose-orange hints of sun disappear across the sky. He stepped around behind her, placing a hand at each of her hips, as they watched the heavens together. Just as it was almost too dim outside to see, she twisted her body, tilted her head back and kissed the underside of his jaw. "Is it our time now, Rick?"

He felt a shiver travel down his spine at the feeling of her warm breath on his neck. When he extended his invitation for a private weekend together in the Hamptons two weeks earlier Castle had absolutely done so with the intent that he and Kate would become intimate over the course of the trip. He'd allowed her to set the date, though, wanting to make sure she was in the right headspace with her brain no longer filled with the dense fog of grief. Of course she was still processing her mother's death, but she was on her way to healing and he was all too happy to assist her on that journey.

"Yeah," he said, his voice a bit husky, "I'd say so; definitely."

"Good."

With that, she spun around in his embrace and pressed her mouth against his. Castle groaned as he sunk into their kiss, grabbing at the fabric of her shirt with both of his hands. God, he wanted her; he wanted her _so_ much. Unlike most of his relationships they weren't beginning with a "let's see where this goes" or an "I'll bet this will be fun." They were serious right from the start and he wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

After several heated kisses on the porch, Kate slid away from her companion, gave him a smile so sexy that his knees felt wobbly, and then took his hand to lead him back into the house. They ascended to the second floor hand-in-hand and then Rick led the way into the master suite where he dropped her hand long enough to light a few candles before rejoining her on the bed. She stretched out and welcomed him with open arms, which he happily sunk into.

They kissed again and again and Castle felt his head go fuzzy as though he'd had far too much scotch. In reality, he'd had only two glasses of wine, so it wasn't the alcohol, but his companion; she was intoxicating and he wanted to soak up every inch. While they kissed, her fingers worked at the buttons on his shirt, but just as she began to tug it off his shoulders, he pulled his lips from hers and breathed out, "Wait, wait."

Her brow wrinkled. "What? Too fast?"

He shook his head and used his right index finger to brush some of the hair off her forehead. "No, it's just…" He gazed down at her, awestruck by her beautiful for several seconds before he continued. "I love you. You are extraordinary in every way and would do it all again—plane crash and all—just to be here with you."

For a moment, she seemed a bit startled by his words, and his heart clutched with the fear he'd said too much too soon, but then she blinked and he could see the tears forming against her lower eyelid. "I love you too, Rick, and I'm really, really glad out plane's engine didn't work," she confessed softly.

He grinned, quickly shed his shirt, and then gathered her up in his arms for another kiss.

* * *

The following morning, Kate was surprised that she awoke just shortly after seven since she'd had every intention to sleep later, particularly with how exhausted she'd felt after round two with her companion. Then again, she had slept rather soundly for the prior six hours. Turning her head, she saw Rick was still fast asleep and didn't want to risk waking him while she shifted around in bed, so she slid from beneath the sheet as gingerly as she could. She tip-toed to the bathroom and reemerged several minutes later wearing a t-shirt, her cotton sleep shorts, and a lightweight robe overtop. She was about to descend to the kitchen and see if she could find a coffee pot to use, when the gorgeous view from the master suite's balcony distracted her and she knew she just had to take a peek.

Though the door creaked when she opened it, a quick glance over her shoulder told her Rick hadn't stirred, so she continued out onto the balcony and took a seat on one of the lounge chairs. She tucked her feet beneath her hips and sat back as she watched the morning sun sparkle off the water. The perfect morning felt completely appropriate after the perfect night she'd woken up from.

Sitting there reflecting on the night before Kate felt her cheeks begin to ache with how wide she was grinning, but she didn't care; making love to Rick had been well worth the wait. He had been right that she needed to wait until her head was clearer after her mother's death. They both deserved that and in the end it made their coupling as incredible as she hoped it would be, for Rick was just as kind and generous as a lover as he was a friend.

Kate's previous relationships often began with strategic planning and a deep concentrated effort not to open too much of herself up too quickly for the fear of it all blowing up in her face. As such, she'd surprised herself by echoing his sentiments of love the night before, though the morning after she didn't regret it. She loved him for far longer than she'd realized and was confident those sentiments would not soon change—particularly not after the night they'd had together.

Brief mental glimpses of a future with Rick had Kate's thoughts drifting back to her mother and the prediction she made on the day she died. Johanna had believed Rick would be the man she spent her entire life with and while she was not quite ready to have those thoughts, they certainly didn't scare her as they would have for practically her entire life to that point; Rick truly was one of a kind.

The longer Kate sat on the balcony, the more her thoughts turned to her mother. That weekend was only her third time being at Castle's beach estate; both previous times her mother had been with her. The prior night she had been so focused on her date with Rick and her first romantic night with Rick that she'd failed to realize that fact, but the more she thought about it, the heavier her heart began to feel in her chest.

"Morning."

The rough-sounding voice of her companion startled Kate from her thought several moments later. She turned her head just as he stepped onto the balcony wearing only his boxer shorts. He plopped down beside her, threw one arm around her shoulders, and pressed a sloppy kiss to the side of her head. "You been up long?"

"Ten minutes, maybe."

He grunted then yawned with a bit more drama than necessary. They sat quietly for another minute before his fingertips danced along her arm and he asked, "You okay?"

She hummed at his difficult-to-answer question. "Yeah I…I was just thinking about my mom since this is the first time I've been here without her."

"Oh—oh! Kate, I'm sorry. I didn't even think-"

"No, please." She cut off her apology by placing her hand flat against his chest. "It's fine; I'm glad we came here. I was just thinking about being here with two months ago and then I thought about our last conversation. We talked about you, how glad she was to have met you."

He nodded. "She told me the same thing."

"I think…no, I know—I know she was also glad that I met you. That we…that we became c-close." Kate cleared her throat as it felt thick with emotion. She fought to keep the tears from dripping from her eyes, but it was no use. Using the sleeve of her robe she dabbed some of them away, while Rick remained patient beside her, his hand now stroking gently at the middle of her back. She shut her eyes and a few more tears fell so she sucked in a deep breath and prepared herself for what she was about to say.

"Eight years ago, right after her attack, it was so touch and go whether she'd make it or not. I remember sitting in the ICU beside her bed. She was so pale; she'd lost so much blood. I held her hand just borderline in shock, barely able to believe it was happening, that it was real, but at the same time being absolutely terrorized that I would lose her. I thought losing her was the worst thing that could ever possibly happen.

"For two days it was a rollercoaster—she'd get a little better, get a little worse, then get a little better. On the third night is when they told us they would probably need to remove her kidney; that if she didn't improve by morning it would be the best step in her recovery. I went to bed that night just thinking what if that doesn't fix it? What if they can't save her? I just…I didn't think I would know how to function without her—that I would just be crushed under all that pain."

With her tears falling more steadily, Kate gave up on trying to wipe them away with the edges of her robe. She sniffed heavily and then twisted her body so she could look at the man ever-present by her side. "It still hurts without her. Sometimes when I think about how I'll never see her smile again I c-can't…I can barely breathe, and I know it'll be that way for a little while yet, but it doesn't feel crushing. It's sad, but it's bearable, because every time it feels like too much I just think about you and how…how I have someone in my life who will be there for me and try to make me happy even when I'm not sure that I can be. And that's how I know that moving past her death will be hard, but it's something I can do—that we can do."

"Of course, Kate, of course." Rick leaned forward and gathered her up in his arms, allowing her to snuggle against his chest and cry out all that she needed to.

Several minutes later, when she'd slid away as her sniffles had quieted, he'd smiled and wiped at the track of tears on her cheeks with his thumb. "I'm always going to be here for you, Kate; always."

She snagged his hand, kissed the pad of his thumb, and then pulled it close to her chest, giving him the smallest of smiles. "I know you will."

* * *

 **A/N:** Epilogue on Saturday


	5. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Sitting on her side of the bed with the covers pulled up to her mid-thighs, Kate Beckett-Castle rubbed lotion into her hands absentmindedly while thinking about the following day and all that she needed to get done. It would be her last day of work before a five day vacation and per usual she had far more to do than could be done in an eight-and-a-half hour day. Her mental prioritization was interrupted by her husband crash-landing on the mattress beside her, arching his body towards hers, and placing a loud, smacking kiss on her left temple.

Somewhat startled, she gazed over at him and observed his over-excited expression. Considering that Richard Castle could get over-excited about…well, just about anything, his wide-eyes and ear-to-ear grin did nothing to clue her in as to what exactly was rousing him in that moment. She rubbed the remnants of lotion onto her elbows before turning her body towards him and asking, "What's going on?"

He leaned in, kissed her lips, and the proclaimed, "I just wanted to wish my beautiful wife a happy anniversary."

"W-what?" she stammered with confusion as they had been married for nine months, not twelve.

"This is our anniversary," he continued. "We met exactly three years ago today—at this exact moment. Well, technically three hours from this exact moment, but since you have to work tomorrow I figured you'd be angry if I woke you up at two thirty in the morning to tell you this."

She let out a breathy laugh as she most definitely would have been annoyed if he had done so. "Very smart."

He winked. "Thank you, but seriously—I can't believe it's been three years."

As he stroked his hand down her arms, Kate felt shivers. Though they had been together officially for nearly two-and-a-half years of that time (unofficially for arguably nearly all of it) sometimes she still felt stunned by the level of adoration in his eyes as he gazed at her—or by the tenderness of his touch. Being loved by this man was an experience beyond comparison and one she was grateful for every single day. "I can't believe it either."

He kissed her forehead and then twisted his body away and opened the drawer of his nightstand. He rummaged for several moments before procuring a box about the size of his palm and handing it out to her. "Here."

"What's this?"

"Anniversary present."

"Bu—Rick! Christmas is in three days!" She stammered out, a bit in shock, particularly since she had nothing to give him in return. Christmas shopping for the man who had practically everything was already difficult enough _and_ she was already stressing over their first wedding anniversary gift—she definitely didn't have anything for the anniversary of the day they met.

He shrugged one shoulder. "I know; I'm just giving you one of your gifts a little early."

After flashing him a rather uncertain expression, Kate picked up the box and opened the top to reveal a lovely pendant necklace. A soft "Oh…" escaped her lips when she realized that she actually recognized the necklace and had seen it several weeks earlier when out shopping with Rick's mother and daughter. Martha had caught her admiring it, and thus Kate should not have been surprised that it made an appearance close to Christmas.

"You like it? Mother said you saw it during your girls' shopping trip…"

Clutching the box closer to her chest, she leaned over and kissed him sweetly. "It's beautiful; thank you."

He grinned. "Of course."

As she put the lid back on the box and placed it on her nightstand, intent on wearing it the following day to work, and idea crossed into Kate's mind that had her nibbling on her bottom lip, her heart fluttering anxiously beneath her ribs. She had intended on bringing up the subject with her husband at some point over the next five days when they had a moment alone, but with his sweet anniversary sentiments, she thought maybe that moment would be the best one.

"You know…I guess I could give you one of your presents early, too."

He shrugged as he slipped his feet beneath the bedcovers. "You don't have to."

"No, no; I want to. Besides, this isn't really something I can wrap anyway."

His grin turned childlike. "Too big to wrap? Sweet!"

She chuckled. "No, no it's not a thing. It's…" She took a moment to collect her thoughts and then, after wringing her hands tightly together, she forced herself to ignore the nervous butterflies in her belly and instead gaze into his blue eyes; the ones that always made her feel so safe.

"I know we talked about it well, probably almost a year ago now—before the wedding, but I've been thinking more about it lately. I know I said I wanted to wait longer but…I don't know. I've been feeling different lately and it's not just the holiday. It's…us. It's everything." Though she hesitated to call their lives perfect, they were certainly far more idyllic than she could have imagined. She had been so focused on her career and determined to keep any boyfriend she had at arm's length that Kate had never really even thought about what it would be like to be in a fully supportive relationship with a man she adored, but with each passing day she was more grateful for it. She wanted their happiness and love to grow and in her mind there was one incredible way to make that happened.

Clearly not catching her implication, Rick reached out and stroked her face with his thumb while asking softly, "What are you talking about, love?"

He grin grew so wide that her cheeks ached as she said, "A baby. I want us to try and—oh!" She gasped when Rick practically tackled her with a hug. They both fell back against the headboard and mattress while he smothered her face in kisses in between proclaiming how much he loved her. Kate couldn't help but laugh at his predictably over-the-top response.

"Oh my god—I love you so much. Let's try right now!"

Placing her hand on the center of his chest as she gazed up at him, she said, "Slow down, Rick; I'm still taking my birth control."

"Well don't take tomorrow's dose!"

She moved her hands to hold his jaw as she asked, "You want to, then? Have a baby?"

He kissed her and then leaned his forehead into hers while saying, "Of course. Of course. I can't imagine us without one."

She shut her eyes and leaned her face into his, sighing out, "Neither can I."

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you so much for reading! As I was, i really appreciate your continued support.

Up next will be another chapter fic: **Summer in the Hamptons** \- it will start next Saturday

Have a great week!


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